


Confessions of a broken girl

by RebMed



Series: Gas [5]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: New Character - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 03:49:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10070039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebMed/pseuds/RebMed
Summary: Rick invites Daryl to move with his girlfriend to the bedroom on the ground floor of his house. Lux tells their story to her female friends, who are shocked by her past. This confession will change the way they see her, in more than one way.I've just updated this chapter correcting the format and adding new content.





	

It was a hot day, at the end of the summer. Daryl was driving to Hiltop with Rick.

"You could take the bed. "Rick said, trying to break a conversation.”

"What?”

"I can see you are uncomfortable on the couch, and there is an empty bedroom on the ground floor.”

"I'm fine sleeping on the couch” Daryl replied, visibly cross.

Rick sighed, looking for the best words to be straightforward. "I'm not talking about you alone, I'm talking about you AND your girlfriend.

"She's not my girlfriend and... How did you find out?”

"I've been leading this group for three years now, I look after you, I defend you and I'm aware of everything that happens, so I can notice a girl sneaking inside my house late at night.”

Daryl didn't reply.

"Look, I know that it feels like commitment, but if you like her, just take her in. I've already talked to Michonne and she's okay with it.”

"It would be awkward.”

"Awkward? And having you sleeping and... all the rest in the middle of the living room is not?”

"Did you hear us?”

"All the damn time.”

"Fuck.” "Daryl fixed his eyes on the road ahead, without looking at Rick.

"You are a restless tiger ha ha” Rick joked, after some time.

"Oh, shut the fuck up!” Daryl whined.

"Hey, you don't have to make it official, and we're not throwing a party. Just tell her to bring her stuff when she comes tonight. Because she will.”

"Alright.”

"You're welcome.”

"Thanks, it's just... it's weird, man.” Daryl calmed a bit. "We're not the kind of people who move together.”

""The kind of people". Appreciated.”

"No offense, I mean we are not like you...” Daryl looked straight at him "We're just a couple of losers who crashed together.”

"That's the point, isn't it?”

"I like her... but I wish things were easier... though they never were easy between us.”

"Man, it's the end of the world. You have a beautiful girl absolutely crazy for your bones, go and get her. That's what I'm saying.”

"As if you had been fast.”

"I lost my wife giving birth to a baby I love fondly, even though I'm not her father. Gimme a break.”

"Okay, you win.”

There was a thick silence inside the car.

"By the way, talking babies...” Rick began again.

"Don't get me started.”

"No, I was going to ask you if you are doing something _to avoid_ them.”

"Well, the truth is... she can't have them.”

"I'm sorry. Or I'm not, as you prefer.”

"To put it short, she refused to have them until she broke the oven.”

"Oh. Jesus.” Rick looked shocked "Then it's her choice.”

"Totally.”

"Was any of them... yours?”

"No, and please stop asking questions about her life. It's always sad.”

Rick waited for a while before asking “Is it so bad?”

Daryl looked for a good spot on the side of the road, without walkers or obstacles, and pulled over.

"Why do you care so much?” Daryl asked.

"Hey, I'm just curious.” Rick apologized, rising his hands. "You have to understand, it is the first time we find someone that one of us knew from before, someone you had never mentioned, by the way, and I wish to told me more about her, especially since you both are going to live with us now.”

"We can pick another house, there are a few empty now.”

"That's not the point. I just want you to give me some clues, some kind of reference. I'm scared of what could happen if... if she hurt you.”

Daryl looked at him, thoughtful. Then he put his hands on the wheel and started "She is haunted. She has always been. She has bad nightmares, it was always like that. Before her assault, before the walkers took the place, even before I met her, she was always had a bad life. There is someting dark inside her. She has told me a bit about it, but I don't want to know more. She has had it tough, and she has come through. That's the only important thing.”

"Should I fear for her?” Rick asked, afraid.

"No, I think she is quite fine now. It's just... she is nothing like other girl I've met, in any way. And she is a good person, believe me. We can trust her. But don't expect her to be stable. Or kind.”

Daryl started the car and drove towards the road again.

"Okay, I have enough with that.” Rick relaxed "And... I don't need details, but... is she good? Like, you know.” He winked. “Good?”

“Hahaha she's awesome! Something spectacular. But you will have to trust me, 'cause, you know, you'll never check by yourself.”

Rick smiled and didn't reply.

* * *

Daryl was waiting at Deanna's porch when Lux came for lunch.

“Hi, what are you doing here?” She was so beautiful under the sunlinght, that he though it was a shame he usually saw her only at night. That gave him the nerve to ask her.

"There is something I have to tell you.”

"Well, go on.” She looked unpatient. "Is everything alright?”

"Yes, it's just...” he leaned on the fence, taking her hand softly. "Rick told me you can move with me.” he spoke so quick and low that she barely understood.

"Move? Where? Us?” She smiled, nervous. "It's a bit early, don't you think?”

"Uh... he doesn't think so, he's a bit tired of... well... anyway we sleep together every night so...”

"Oh my God.” she scratched her head “this is so awkward.”

"Ha ha, it's fine, it's alright, just... just come with me. We can share the bedroom downstairs, it will be fine.”

She looked at him, insecure, crossing her arms. "Do you feel good about this?”

"Yes. It makes sense to me, I need you at night.” he replied. "But I don't want to push you. So, you don't have to decide now.”

It was too good to be true. Her life was changing more in the last month than it did the previous year. But he made her feel so good... And, as he said, she would sleep with him one way or the other.

"You know what?” She resolved, after a while. "It's the end of the world. We are doing this. I'll pack after cleaning up.”

"Really?” he smiled, full of joy. "See you tonight.” He took off her cap and kissed her on the lips. "Bye.”

"Bye, I hope you clean and prepare the suite.” She mocked, grabbing back her cap.

* * *

  


Lux brought her backpack at night, but there was no one there. She guessed it was due to some meeting like the ones the community had, which she wasn't invited to. She left it inside the bedroom, and when she came out, she freaked out: the living room was full with the women.

"Surprise! "Carol greeted.

"Fuck, you're giving me a hen's night!”

"Hey, it's the least when can do.” Maggie seemed pretty excited "We had not seen Daryl so happy since... ever?”

"Ever.” Carol replied, with a tired smile.

"And since you're gonna live under my roof, you better know my friends. In case you do something wrong and they come to get ya.” Michonne said.

"Well, you seem pretty surprised, how's that?” Lus asked, amazed “I mean, I can't be the first one, right?”

Nobody answered.

"No way!” Lux insisted.

"He hasn't been very... talkative, ever. And he didn't even try anything... at least with me.” Maggie replied.

"Same here.” Sasha said.

"Well, Maggie doesn't count because she humped on Glenn immediately, and the rest... I guess we're not his type.” Carol concluded.

"What about you, Tara?” Lux asked.

"Well, I... don't have an opinion.”

"I know, I was teasing you. I'm sorry ha ha ha.”

"So you knew about me and Denise?”

"Girl, I lived in Seattle for one year. I can notice lesbian vibes ringing from miles away.”

"OK, enough with the cheeky chat. Let's go straight to the point. How did you meet?” Michonne asked.

"Huh... it's not nice, or romantic.”

"Just start with "we went to the same bar", or "we used to buy groceries together””, Rosita joked.

"Do you really wanna know? OK, Let's open a beer.” Lux settled back and put her boots on the table.

“I'll start saying that I used to work as what society often labels as a "stripper", though we prefer the terms "exotic dancer" or "go go dancer". I see you open your eyes wide, it's normal. I'm not feeling judged or anything. By the way, I even won a couple of pole dance contests. The thing is, Daryl used to come a lot to my club, but don't get him wrong, he wasn't a pimp, he just used to drink as a miner, and he preferred to do it surrounded by beautiful girls in bikini.”

"Well, I wasn't expecting that.” Carol said, upset.

"Don't you change your opinion on him, he was the nicest man to ever step there. His brother, I don't know if you ever heard of him, used to come with him in the beginning, but got kicked out for being a total creep and I never saw him again.”

"It comes as no surprise.” Maggie said, and all them nodded except for Tara and Rosita.

"I'm sorry you met him. Well, I must say he liked all of us, okay, I saw him ripping all the girls apart with his eyes, one by one. So, he came to watch for a couple of weeks, and he started being sort of welcome because he gave very nice tips. He used to gamble at the time.”

"Excuse me, but I've always been curious. How much can a stripper make a night? Well sorry, and "exotic dancer"” Tara mocked her with gestures.

"That's a damn interesting question. I have to say that back in Atlanta, I never got more than 400 a week, but my record is 1200 $ in tips on one night, General Motors congress, Chicago. I was 22, that's important.”

"Jeez. Thank you. Go on.”

"Thanks. He started obsessing with me, and as much as I had got used to call security every time I felt uncomfortable... well, I felt good about him, I don't know why. I have to state that when I met him, he looked more of a red"neck and less of a commando, but even then, he was nice. I could have him below my feet for half an hour while I was dancing naked and covered in glitter, and yet I didn't care. He asked for a couple of lap dances, and he was a total sweetheart. And he had the gloomiest eyes I had seen, glancing at me like a lost pup.”

“He then began to talk to me, and that was a problem. You see, kind men are not welcome in these places. There are two likely options when men socialize with you: either they're about to kill you and chop your body in pieces or they want to retire you, which is even worse for the business.”

“So, I didn't pay attention to him, and he tried to be careful since he almost got kicked one night, for talking to me. For treating me like a person. Well, he used his chance one night I was replacing a girl, Pat, who used to wait the bar (in bikini, of course), and he sat opposite me for 7 hours. I swear. I was nervous, but not for me, I didn't fear him, but for the managers. Anyway, he drank his ass out and didn't stop asking questions. Nothing gross, just a bit judgmental. I don't know, he was wondering what I was doing there because he thought I was fun and clever.”

“The thing was, I finished at six AM, cleaned, tidied, changed, chatted a bit with the girls, and headed home. He was waiting for me at the back door. And he invited me for breakfast. And I said no. I couldn't do that, I'd got fired immediately. He didn't reply and left. He insisted for an entire week, day after day. Then, one night I didn't spot him at the club, I thought he forgot me, but there he was, at 7 AM. He got up early to pick me. And I accepted. I liked him, and he acted like he was very interested, no guy had been so stubborn about me before. I ate as much as I could, he made fun of me, we laughed, and he walked with me to my car. And he said good morning and turned away. He didn't try anything, and I got pissed, because that meant he really liked me. I wasn't used to that. I was used to leave the club, or any place, have sex, that was it. And also I realized I really liked him, so I was screwed. I had never liked a man before even kissing.”

Lux stopped talking, drank some more, while the women looked at her with a feeling between thrilling and surprise. Then she lit up a cigarette.

"I plain avoided him the next week. I didn't look at him, I didn't want to dance to him, I changed some shifts. I was upset because he would think I didn't like him, but that was the only thing I could do. He gave up, or so I thought, because I didn't see him for some days. And then, one morning I was changing, and he knocked at the door of the dressing room. He actually risked his life, because if the security found him, they would have beaten the shit out of him. Somehow, the girls knew beforehand, and when he knocked, they dressed up immediately and left me alone. And there he was, the damn idiot, sober, with a yellow flower in his hand. I said "thank you", and he told me he had picked the flower at his garden. And that was it. No conversation, no breakfast: we went to my car and hooked up for an hour straight. And it was the most romantic moment in my life.”

"This story is part kinky, part adorable.” Michonne laughed hard.

"As everything about me. Well, that morning I decided to quit. Classic moment in a hooker's life. For some days we hanged in bars, and eventually in my apartment, but I wanted to do something really big. He was broken, so it was up to me. I forgot to say that he didn't have a mobile phone, or any phone, or a proper address. He was my baby lost in the woods. So, I packed some shit and 5 grand in a sports bag, I picked him up where he told me, and we headed to Atlantic City.”

"No way! This is getting crazy!” Maggie was excited.

"You'll shit your panties. Anyway, we registered at the hotel, bought some snacks and packs of beer, and rented cable TV. We went up, room 663, and locked ourselves in.”

"Wow.” Sasha said.

"Yeah. We didn't buy a fucking token in seven days. We didn't leave the room, except for going for a walk, but not even everyday. That was the peak of our relation, screwing each other's brains out, drinking, and watching porn and documentaries on the jungle, laughing out loud. We had to change rooms, because... well, you know, I was that kind of girl who is chased by a psychotic ex"boyfriend from time to time. But Daryl didn't even care. He spent his resting time drawing doodles, I didn't recognize what was on most of them. I don't even know. It was fun. And I fell in love. And so did he, I guess.”

"And now it's when it gets sad as fuck.” Rosita pointed out.

"Yeah. And it was my fault, completely.” she drank some gulps and had a deep breathe. "On the seventh day, we had ran out of money, that we had wasted on room service, alcohol and stupid stuff we bought at the mall. We had nowhere to go, I was unemployed and couldn't pay the rent, and I had only some cash for gasoline. So our "plan" was to head back to Atlanta, I would look for a decent job, which had to be waiting tables, and he... he didn't want to do anything in life outside his cabin in the forest. He didn't like the city, and I wasn't sure I wanted to bring a tramp to my apartment. Besides, he wouldn't look for a job, so I felt he would take profit of me. Maintaining a man was not an option. But we didn't want to argue, we had just started, he told me nice things in my ear... I didn't want to come back to real life. I loathed real life.”

"I don't know if I want you to go ahead.” Michonne said, speaking low.

"You started this, now you face the consequences. I woke up on Friday morning, around seven. He was sleeping, really drunk. He had been very sad the previous day. So I got up, I packed my shit and hid it under the bed so he would think I had left, and I locked myself in the bathroom.”

"No.” Carol said, closing her eyes.

"I slit my wrists with his razor blade.” Lux said this almost in a whisper, looking at the floor.

"I wouldn't have forgiven you.” Michonne felt like crying.

"I never forgave myself. Ever. I woke up three days later, at the hospital, all by myself. I was still in Atlantic City. They told me he had kicked down the door, shouting for me, he woke up every single person who was sleeping on that floor. He picked me when I was already unconscious, and I fell in a comma. He took me to the hospital, the hotel paid for the ambulance. He looked for my insurance card in my bag and found my blood type, and he told them. He signed the registration. I had little chance of surviving, and he waited until I was stable, then left.

I cried for a whole day and night, even hooked up on Valium, I couldn't stop. Then I recovered, they made sure I had no permanent damage, and I moved back to Atlanta on my car. I went under rehab and therapy for months, and started working as a waitress.”

"And you never saw him again until he found you hidden in a crappy shop. You might have thought you were hallucinating.” Maggie said, in sorrow.

"I thought I was dead. Like, I left Atlanta with my roommate before it crumbled, and for two years, I wandered on the road, joined three groups of people which either split or died, and I ran in the woods chased by walkers and serial killers... across three states. And when I had given up for real, he found me, and he looked so big, so dirty, so serious, all dressed in black. I thought I was dead.

All the women remained silent for minutes. Then Michonne said:

"Now I understand it all. He was not like that, it was you. He was depressed because you broke his heart.”

"I didn't break it, I tore it out from his chest. That's what I do.” Lux stood up and started picking the empty bottles.

"I gotta go, it's late and I'm tired.” Maggy grabbed Sasha and they left. "Good night.”

"Good night Lux.” Carol didn't look at her. "Thanks for letting me know, I always wondered what he was hiding.”

"Good night. I would understand it if you didn't speak to me no long.”

"I couldn't do that. He says he's a different man now, and I guess you are a different woman too.” She faced her "Girl, this is the age of redemption. Use it and treat him good.” And she left too.

Michonne went upstairs, Rosita went out and only Tara stayed in the living room.

"You are allowed to judge me too, don't worry.”

"I wasn't about to, I just try to comprehend.” she was helping her tidying up.

"You don't have to. People do shit. That's about it.”

"I think I know what you did. You were desperate, and you couldn't deal with the relation you both would carry out together. You thought it was over.”

"And I was a immature piece of shit unable to cope with failure.

"You were in love. And you had issues, of course, which you didn't face before because you were alone. I wouldn't blame you. Of course you hurt Daryl deep and I could stab you for that, but not for being human and making a mistake.”

"Fuck, you are sweet.”

They both remained silent, looking at the floor.

"Have you talked with him about all this?

Lux didn't answer. She started to remove the label of an empty bottle, scratching it with her nails.

"You should.” Tara went on. "I think you should make it clear why you did it.”

"I told him. I did, the first night we slept together. And I begged for his forgiveness. He forgave me yesterday.”

"And have you forgiven him? Because he did something horrible too.”

"I forgave him back at the hospital, and I've told him. But he won't talk about it. He says it still hurts too much.”

"And how do you feel about your relation now? Is it the same, have you both changed so much?”

Lux looked at Tara with a fierce gaze, getting mad.

"Do you mean if I will do it again? If I'm still suicidal?”

"Yes, it's exactly what I'm asking.” Tara didn't fear her, she mantained her position. "I told you, he's my friend and I care for him. He has saved my life a thousand times. And you know this is not just about love, it's his sanity. I don't wont you to hurt him again.”

Lux smiled. "Well, you are indeed a better friend than I have ever been. Well, the thing is... I care for myself. And now I know there is more than a stinky shop to fight for. And... well, anyway, our life together is completely different from what it would be like in the old world. Now there are no jobs, no bills to pay, no difference between the city and the woods, there is jungle everywhere and we are both trained in it. And Merle is dead.”

Tara frowned, confused. She had heard about Daryl's brother but she didn't know he could mean a threat like that.

"Well, that's good to hear.” Tara picked her sweatshirt and helped her friend tidying up. "Can I make one last question?”

Lux crossed her arms, curious. "Try.”

"What is it like... I mean, how does it feel dancing naked for a living? Because I can't imagine it, I don't even like men, so for me it would be disgusting. Like, having so many creeps drooling below me, saying gross things, I couldn't bear it.”

Lux sighed "Well, it is gross, disgusting. But it's better than waiting tables at a restaurant, they give you better tips, you don't have to clean, and well... the feeling of having five hundred bucks inside your thong...” she cackled "Girl, I fucking miss that.”

"Bahaha I should try some day.”

They finished and looked eye to eye.

"It's fine, I got this, you can go.” Lux held Tara tight, and gulped. "It's been a good night.”

"Yeah, it's been nice to know you... better” she winked at her. "Good night, Lux.”

  



End file.
